


10 Times Coulson failed at Flirting With May (with bad pickup lines)

by nightsisterkaris



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 06:36:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19987744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightsisterkaris/pseuds/nightsisterkaris
Summary: "Are you from China?" Phil perked up.May gave him her famous wtf look. "What kind of question is-""'Cause I/m China get you to go out with me.""I'll say yes when you actually have a good pickup line."and so the race began...





	10 Times Coulson failed at Flirting With May (with bad pickup lines)

1)

"Are you from China?" Phil perked up.

May gave him her famous _what the heck_ look. "What kind of question is-"

"'Cause I/m China get you to go out with me."

"I'll say yes when you actually have a good pickup line."

2)

"You look great for having just knocked out like nine guys wearing nothing but a tanktop and shorts." Phil shrugged.

"Oh, and you've looked better?" Melinda rolled her eyes, wrapping up her bleeding knuckles.

"No, you look better at fifty then me, that's all." Phil shook his head. "You know, If you stood in front of the mirror and held up eleven red roses you would see twelve of the most beautiful things you could ever see."

"Phil, this is a secret base, we don't have eleven roses."

"Really? The prettiest one is right in front of me."

"Oh my god."

3)

"Hey, May, back in the academy, did we have a class together? I could've sworn we had chemistry." Phil quirked.

"Nice try, Phil. But we only had History and close combat." May said with a raised eyebrow.

"It was worth a shot." Phil shrugged with a grin.

4)

"I hate paperwork." Melinda folded her arms and leaned back on her chair with a small thud. "I hate how much useless information there is. . . like, who actually cares about how many bullets i used as long as I got the job done?" May pursed her lips. "Good thing this is the last thing on my to-do list."

"You should add me on that to-do list." Phil leaned forward with a smile.

"Sorry, you'd need to ask me out first." May rolled her eyes. She lifted her pencil to circle in more orders when it suddenly cracked.

"Life without you is like that pencil. . ." Phil pointed to the broken writing utensil, "-Pointless."

5)

"I broke _another_ dish!" Daisy huffed. "Watching emotional movies while eating should not be this hard! Stupid powers. . . " She muttered.

"It's fine, Daisy." May said, "We'll just take the fine dishware budget out of your paycheck every month." May said with a smirk.

"Nothing lasts forever, Daisy." Phil nodded. "Except for May, she's the nothing to that exception.."

"Phil don't ever say that again. . . " May and Daisy cringed.

6) 

Phil patted his pockets. "Crap." he muttered looking around frantically.

"Did you lose your glasses again?" May folded her arms.

"No." He sighed, "I seem to have lost my phone number. . . Can I have yours?"

"sure- wait what?" May took a step to the side, "No, you idiot."

"Well it was worth a shot. . . " Phil sat back down with a pouty look.

7)

"The base is so dark, you know? It almost seems like we never get outside." Jemma rested her head in her hands.

"We should have an indoor garden." Fitz idealized.

"And plant what?" May asked.

Phil turned to her, "Well if I was doing the planting I'd put you tulips and my tulips together." 

May simply raised her eyebrows slightly.

Fitz obliviously said, "Oh tulip groups would be wonderful!"

8)

"Your bloodwork come back okay?" May casually asked as she walked in.

"Yeah, still high on the iron." Phil answered, "But you don't have to start calling me 'Iron Man' yet." he winked.

"Wasn't planning on it." May said.

"My doctor did say I was low on vitamin U, though."

"Phil, your pickup lines are terrible."

"So I've been told."

9)

" _Pandas_ are better, right May?" Daisy asked. 

"Oh no, _monkeys_ are definitely better!" Fitz retorted.

"I rather like cheetahs." Jemma added.

"Pandas are nice." May smiled.

"You know," Phil started, " When Penguins find their mates, they stay together for life." Phil looked up at the woman beside him, "Hey May, will you be my Penguin?"

The team 'awwww'ed as May responded with another eye roll.

10)

Phil happily showed off Lola's new paint job, "Its the classic shade of red that my dad loved!" He smiled, "Come on, let's take 'er for a ride."

"Ok." Surprised, May got into the passenger seat.

"Look, i has a side view, a front view, a rear view, and an I loview." Phil said with a grin.

"Love you too, Phil." Melinda reached over to bring his face closer to her to kiss him, "I guess you won't be taking Lola for a ride next time, huh?"


End file.
